


The Darkness in me

by Darkangel19881



Category: Naruto
Genre: Cutting, Eating Disorder, Family, Gen, friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-28 12:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8445787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkangel19881/pseuds/Darkangel19881
Summary: When Fugaku puts too much pressure on Sasuke's shoulders. Can Itachi save his brother from the darkness before its too late. mentions of cutting and eating disorder





	1. Chapter 1

The Darkness in me 

Sasuke Uchiha found himself staring at the mirror in front of him. He didn’t see the pale skinny boy that was reflected in the mirror instead he saw one that lacked perfection in every area. The morning had started out like always. Sasuke had gotten up early so he could work on his shuriken practice. Sasuke had been practicing for three hours when his father Fugaku had come out to see what kind of progress Sasuke was making. He spent the hour and half telling Sasuke that he had been throwing it wrong the entire time. At the end of it, his father had Sasuke that it was a shame he wasn’t more like his brother Itachi.   
“Itachi could throw it perfectly and hit his target at a good distance when he was two years younger than you.” Fugaku informed Sasuke before walking off to. Sasuke scowled down at the ground, no matter how hard he worked he was never as good as Itachi. Sasuke loved his brother but the fact that Fugaku expected Sasuke to be just as talented as Itachi was a little ridiculous. He was his own person he shouldn’t be expected to be more than what he was.  
Sighing, and feeling a little rejected, Sasuke stored his shuriken in their holder before turning and entering the house. Heading for his bedroom, Sasuke flopped down on the bed, not really caring that if he didn’t hurry and grab his shower he would be late for the ninja academy. Sasuke stared up at the ceiling wondering if he would ever be looked upon with approval.   
Hearing his door open, Sasuke turned his head and saw Itachi stick his head in the door.   
“You’re going to be late little brother if you don’t hurry.”  
“I don’t care” Sasuke mumbled it kind of seemed pointless to him, since no matter how hard he worked it would never be good enough.  
“Don’t let anything Father said get you down,” Itachi said “I know he is hard on you, but you can’t let it bother you so much. Father does know best.”  
“Really?” Sasuke wondered out loud as he sat up on his bed. “Because it seems to me the only thing he knows is insults and I don’t know about you but putting someone down is not the way to help them get stronger.”  
“He won’t always be pushing you so hard.” Itachi said softly knowing that their father’s careless words affected Sasuke more than Sasuke let on. “He just wants you to be strong.”  
“I can’t be as strong as you which is exactly what he wants.” Sasuke said sighing, “You have accomplished so much and he expects me to be able to do the same.” Sasuke said a tear falling down his face. Itachi hurt for his brother, he wished he knew the words that would ease Sasuke’s pain and confusion, but at the moment the only person who could do that was their father. Itachi doubted Fugaku Uchiha would bother to offer Sasuke any kind of apology. Didn’t their father know that he was killing Sasuke with his aloofness? Did he not care?   
“Don’t ever try to be someone other than you” Itachi told Sasuke. “You won’t ever be happy if you try to be more than that.”  
Sasuke sighed and shoved himself to his feet. He wanted to be a shinobi that his father could be proud of. If he didn’t work harder than what would his father have to be proud of?   
“Think about what I said, Sasuke.” Itachi said “You don’t have to be anyone other than you. Screw what he thinks.” If only it was that easy Sasuke thought as he gathered up some clean clothes, hiding the razor underneath them. He didn’t think his father would ever understand how he felt.   
Once he was standing underneath the water, Sasuke pulled out the razor. Holding his breath, Sasuke made a small cut on his thigh, he watched a small amount of blood well up and drip down his leg, before he made another cut. Unbeknownst to Itachi, Sasuke had found a way of dealing with the pain that their father’s words often caused. When he was finished showering, Sasuke placed a small band aid on the two small cuts, before getting dressed.   
“Don’t forget Sasuke you have to train today after school.” his father said before muttering “Not that its doing you any good you are nowhere as good as Itachi.” Itachi scowled at his father before following a dejected Sasuke out the door.   
“Ignore him” Itachi muttered under his breath “its just words.” words could cause as much damage as any kind of weapon, sometimes more so when the person wielded them the right way. Sasuke wasn’t going to point that out to Itachi though.   
“Hey, I will work with you after school if you want me to” Itachi said knowing that his offer to help probably wouldn’t ease the sting of their father’s careless words.   
“okay” Sasuke mumbled knowing that something would probably come up and Itachi wouldn’t be able to help him. He didn’t blame Itachi, his older brother was an extremely talented shinobi and was often in demand for missions. Sasuke knew that Itachi would do anything to spare him from his father’s words.   
Upon entering the academy, Sasuke found himself sitting alone, trying to ignore the sound of his classmates. The fangirls were especially annoying and Sasuke found it hard not to snap at them and tell them to leave him alone.   
As the class started Sasuke found himself annoyed at the loud boisterous blond that was sitting beside him. Naruto Uzumaki was his name, and the kid couldn’t sit still, he shouted out answers, even if they were the wrong ones just to annoy their sensei.   
“Do you ever shut up?” Sasuke snapped when the blond’s comments grated on his nerves. “you’re an idiot. Saying whatever you think Sensei wants to hear.” The blond turned and glared at Sasuke.   
“How about you mind your own business?” Naruto said glaring at Sasuke “you should stop being high and mighty and thinking the world revolves around you for a change.” Naruto continued “You think you’re so perfect so why don’t you knock it off?” Sasuke glared at the blond, the kid had no idea what it was like to walk in his shoes. He had no idea about the depression that weighed heavily on Sasuke’s shoulders. Naruto didn’t know that Sasuke cut himself every single morning and every afternoon when he came home from academy. Naruto was just an orphan who had no idea what it was like to have to deal with the pressure that parents could put on them for them to succeed.   
“You’re just a stupid orphan who no one loves.” Sasuke said “You have no idea what its like to live up to impossible expectations.”  
Naruto’s eyes widened with hurt. Sasuke knew that he had crossed a line with that comment, but the blond was getting on his nerves and Sasuke needed to do something to shut him up.   
“I might not have parents.” Naruto said “but at least I didn’t grow to be a stuck up bastard.” that being said, the blond leaped to his feet and rushed out the door, ignoring Iruka’s cries for him to come back.  
“Sasuke there was no call for you to say that.” Iruka said a disappointed look in his eyes. “You know about Naruto’s difficult circumstances, calling him out was the wrong thing to do. I’m afraid I am going to have to send you home.” Iruka told him and Sasuke rolled his eyes before standing and exiting the room. He honestly didn’t care if he got sent home or not, but he knew his father would find out and would give him hell. Sighing, Sasuke exited the academy, knowing his father would be home and not really wanting to deal with it, but at the same time wanting to get it over with. Sasuke headed home.   
Upon reaching the complex, he found his father standing on the porch waiting for him. An angry expression on his face.   
“Do you mind explaining what the hell you were thinking?” Fugaku demanded. “I haven’t raised my boys to be pricks. So where do you come off with putting that boy down?”  
“He was getting on my nerves and I couldn’t concentrate.” Sasuke said knowing that it didn’t matter what he said, his father wouldn’t like it. His father scowled at him and Sasuke had the feeling he wouldn’t like his punishment.  
“You will apologize to Naruto when you return to school. Until then you will work on your shuriken throwing until I say you can stop. Trust me that is going to be a while.” Fugaku said before turning and entering the complex.   
Sasuke headed towards the forest where he began throwing his shuriken at the targets. He winced when the shuriken missed the target.   
“Itachi could have hit it on the first try.” Fugaku snapped from where he was standing watching Sasuke’s practice. Sasuke proceeded to throw the shuriken harder. His father making biting comments telling Sasuke how much better Itachi could do.   
Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek, trying to ignore the pain that his father’s words caused. Would he ever prove to be as good as Itachi?   
Five hours later, Sasuke found himself sitting at the table, Itachi sitting beside him. His father and mother across from them. Sasuke silently picked at the rice, not really hungry after all the practice he had just gone through.   
“Father told me what you said to Naruto.” Itachi said once Fugaku and Mikoto had stepped away from the table. “It wasn’t very nice.” Sasuke hated the disappointment he saw in Itachi’s eyes. Sasuke could handle anyone else being angry with him but he couldn’t handle it from Itachi. “You know Naruto has a hard enough time with people of this village. He doesn’t need you to add to his problems.” The more Itachi scolded Sasuke the more he felt sick to his stomach. Sasuke adored his older brother, even if his father expected him to be just like Itachi. Knowing that Itachi was mad at him, hurt Sasuke more than anything else.   
As Itachi continued to address the issue with Sasuke. Sasuke pushed himself away from the table and walked off towards the bathroom.   
Entering the room, Sasuke threw himself on the floor in front of the toilet, his stomach heaving and he wretched into the toilet losing everything that he had just eaten. He knew he had made a mistake but not everyone had to keep telling him how wrong it was. Still, feeling sick to his stomach, Sasuke found himself placing two fingers down his throat forcing himself to rid himself of everything else he had eaten.   
Sasuke was unaware that Itachi was standing right outside the door listening to the violent bout of vomiting. When Sasuke was finished, he forced himself to his feet.   
Opening the door, Sasuke ignored the concerned look on Itachi’s face, as Sasuke made his way to his bedroom, longing for the feel of a sharp blade across his skin.


	2. Chapter 2

Sasuke stared up at the ceiling, he couldn’t forget the disappointment in his brother’s eyes. It was true that he knew Naruto struggled to find acceptance in the village, for what reason he didn’t know. But Sasuke wasn’t blind to how the blond was treated. The villagers seemed to think Naruto was some kind of monster, Sasuke wasn’t sure how that was possible, after all Naruto was an idiot. And he was annoying, Sasuke didn’t like being around the loud blond. Of course he wouldn’t be able to tell his parents or brother that. They would probably find some way to force Sasuke to be around him.   
Sighing, Sasuke reached over and grabbed his kunai off of the dresser beside him. Sasuke needed to release some of the pain he was carrying and this was the only way to do it. Pushing, his sleeve up, Sasuke brought the kunai to his arm, Sasuke closed his eyes as he made a shallow cut on the inside of his elbow. He could feel the blood slowly drip down his arm. No one in his family knew that he cut, and he hoped that they wouldn’t find out. Sasuke was sure they would find a way to stop him from expressing his emotional pain.   
After making another couple shallow cuts, Sasuke cleaned the blood off of his kunai and placed it back on his dresser. After that, Sasuke cleaned the blood off of his arm, not wanting anyone to discover his secret. Pulling his sleeve back down, Sasuke lay back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He dreaded going back to school tomorrow. He didn’t really want to be around any of his classmates.   
Hearing a harsh knock on his door, Sasuke frowned, it sounded like his father and if it was nothing good could come from him being there. Pushing himself off his bed, Sasuke made his way across the room to where he slowly opened the door. His father was standing on the other side.  
“Who told you you were done with your throwing practice?” he asked “there is still a few hours left of day light.”  
“What’s the point” Sasuke muttered under his breath. “I’m not Itachi, nor will I ever be.”   
“No harm in being as good as Itachi” his father remarked “except I don’t think you can even manage that, you don’t even have the ability to work as hard as he does.” Sasuke clinched his hands into fists, when would his father learn just how much damage his words caused. Sasuke scowled put grabbed his shoes and pulled them on before heading towards the forest. He was tired, it had been a long day, somehow though he didn’t think his father would care about that.   
Sasuke spent the next few hours listening to his father belittle his throwing techniques, no matter how hard he threw or didn’t throw it wasn’t good enough. Finally Sasuke had enough and he threw his shuriken on the floor.  
“I’m not Itachi.” Sasuke shouted “I will never be Itachi. I am me and there is nothing wrong with that. No one is as good as Itachi, and I can’t help that. Pressuring me to be like him isn’t going to make me any better!”  
“Too right you are not like Itachi.” Fugaku shouted back “you can’t even work as long as he does without getting tired!” Sasuke scowled. Of course he couldn’t work as long as Itachi could, he was younger than Itachi. Still, Sasuke couldn’t hide the flinch from the pain of his father’s words. Would Sasuke ever be good enough?   
“What use is having two sons if one is a genius and the other an idiot.” Fugaku muttered thinking that Sasuke couldn’t hear him.   
“I’m not an idiot, I am a normal KID” Sasuke reminded him softly turning away from him. “Not everyone can be a genius you know.” That being said a rejected Sasuke made his way back to the house, he walked straight past a concerned Itachi. Sasuke didn’t care if his brother was still made at him or not, Sasuke didn’t want anything to do with anyone at this point. He was even starting to wonder if it would be better to kill himself. That way his father wouldn’t have to worry about only having one genius kid. Entering his room, Sasuke slammed the door and went flopped down face first on his bed. He had no idea how this day had gone so wrong, but he wished it was over already. Sasuke couldn’t stop the tears the formed in his eyes and fell down his face, soaking his pillow.   
“What use is having two sons if one is a genius and the other an idiot.” his father’s careless words continued to play in Sasuke’s head. Sasuke realized no matter how hard he worked he would never be good enough, and that hurt him more than anything else could.   
“Do you think it would be possible for you to go easier on him?” Itachi asked, hating that his little brother was hurting so much. “He already feels useless.”  
“That’s because he is.” Fugaku muttered “he’s nothing like you were at his age. Sasuke doesn’t have half the talent you did.”  
“That doesn’t make him useless.” Itachi pointed out “he is talented in his own way. He’s already at the top of his class at the ninja academy. How much better do you want him to be?”  
“I want him to be prepared for any kind of trouble that may arise.” Fugaku said “And going easy on him isn’t going to help him.”  
“Neither will bullying him.” Itachi muttered looking through the crack in Sasuke’s door. His little brother was special and the way his father bullied him, Itachi doubted that Sasuke would ever know just how special he was.   
“If he just tried harder maybe I wouldn’t have to be so mean.” Fugaku muttered “he’s useless next to you.” Itachi scowled it was no wonder that Sasuke was struggling right now. Their father wasn’t an easy person to deal with, and him being so hard on Sasuke was a strain on their relationship. Itachi loved his father, but he loved his little brother more. Itachi didn’t like to see Sasuke hurting without trying to fix it. He couldn’t help but wonder if there would be any fixing of their father’s words.   
“Maybe you’re not the one trying hard enough.” Itachi muttered ignoring the scowl that his father sent his way.  
“It wouldn’t Sasuke to be a little more like you, willing to work hard and put forth the effort.” Fugaku muttered before walking away. Itachi shook his head, his father didn’t get it, and unless something drastic happened he probably wouldn’t get it. Knowing that Sasuke was probably still angry with him, Itachi turned away from the door and headed back down the hall. He had a mission he had to prepare for, talking with Sasuke could wait until he got back. He just wished he knew what to say to make Sasuke understand that no matter hard their father pushed him, he did love Sasuke. Right now though, Sasuke wasn’t likely to listen to anyone. He was hurting, so he would find a way to deal with that pain himself before approaching anyone.   
Sasuke heard the whispered conversation at his door, he couldn’t help but wonder why his father didn’t think he was as good as his brother. He worked as hard as he could and Itachi was right Sasuke was at the top of his class, but apparently even that wasn’t good enough.   
“Die already! You know you want to kill yourself” Itachi snarls at Sasuke. “I know what you do whenever you think you are alone. You cut yourself, to ease the pain of the truth. But there is no easing that kind of pain is there? The truth hurts and no matter how deep you cut you can’t make it stop. The only way to make it stop permanently is to kill yourself. You know father is right, you will never be as good as me!” Sasuke didn’t think he would be able to take the hatred in his brother’s eyes. He didn’t understand where this was coming from, yes, Sasuke had made some stupid comments about Naruto. But the level of hatred that he felt radiating from Itachi wasn’t just there over night, that kind of hatred had been building for a long time, and Sasuke couldn’t understand why. What had he done to make his older brother hate him so much?  
“Don’t have anything to say?” Itachi taunted him “You know Father is right, you are worthless as a shinobi.” Sasuke felt tears pool in his eyes, his brother that he adored couldn’t actually mean the things he was saying could he?   
“Why do you hate me so much?” Sasuke said numbly falling to his knees in front of his brother. Sasuke couldn’t stand the idea that Itachi hated him.   
“Because you are a poor excuse for a shinobi and an Uchiha” Itachi snarled his face slowly morphing into that of his father.   
“As long as you don’t put forth the effort you will never be an Uchiha, you will always be the dead last in this family!” his father screamed at him, and Sasuke raised his hands to his ears trying to block out the sound, to somehow block out all the hatred that he felt.   
“Die” Fugaku yelled coming at Sasuke with a kunai. Sasuke jerked awake, breathing hard, his chest heaving with each breath. Did his father really want him to die? Sasuke didn’t know, he just knew that he was confused about why his father seemed to always be angry with him.   
Sitting up, Sasuke noticed it wouldn’t be long before the sun was up he would be heading off to school. Dragging himself out of bed, Sasuke grabbed his kunai and headed into the restroom, where he made a couple of extra cuts more than he usually did. Lately it was taking more and more blood spilling to even numb himself.  
When he was finished, he dressed the wounds and then exited the restroom, heading for the kitchen.  
“Are you going to eat Sasuke?” his mom called from her place at the table. Sasuke shook his head.  
“I’m not hungry, I will eat at school.” which was a lie he probably wouldn’t eat there either. He didn’t know why but lately he hadn’t been hungry. He figured it was probably because of his depression but he found it hard to even care. He would skip all his meals if it meant that his father would finally look at him with the same approval he looked at Itachi with.  
“Where’s Itachi?” Sasuke asked, taking note of his brother’s absence. Normally, Itachi walked with him to the academy and then went off to do whatever he done during the day.  
“He had to leave early this morning for a mission.” Mikoto said “He should be back in a few days.”  
I guess he’s still mad at me then Sasuke thought sadly. He hated when Itachi got mad at him and then refused to talk to him. It hurt just about as much as Father’s angry words did. Sasuke slouched over, with his head bent he walked past his father and headed out the door towards the school.   
At the school, Sasuke found his seat, and sat down laying his head over on the desk. This was the last place the hurting boy wanted to be, he didn’t want to have to put up with the annoyance’s of the class, especially Naruto who he could tell was back by the shouting in the room.   
“Hey, fatso” he heard Naruto call, and Sasuke frowned Naruto’s voice was right in front of him. Sasuke looked up to find the blond haired kid staring at him. “Are you up for sparring?” Sasuke sighed and lay his head back on the table. He didn’t feel like doing anything or fighting with anyone.   
“Fatso” Naruto called again, and Sasuke heaved out an annoyed breath. He didn’t know if he would be able to put up with Naruto today.   
Was that why his father didn’t like him? Sasuke wondered because, he was as Naruto put it, fat? He had never really thought about it. He had always been sort of thin, never heavy set like Choji. Did his father see something in Sasuke that Sasuke couldn’t see? The thought nearly made Sasuke sick. Could that be the reason he couldn’t throw his shuriken the way his father wanted him to?   
Tears pooled in Sasuke’s eyes again, and he scowled down at his desk. How was it possible to hate his life even more than he already did.   
Pushing himself, away from his desk, Sasuke gathered his things and walked out of the room. He would get in trouble for skipping, but Sasuke didn’t care. He was almost always in trouble with his father anyways so what was the point.  
“Sasuke” he heard his teacher calling his name, but Sasuke ignored it. He couldn’t explain to anyone how he had been feeling lately, it wasn’t like anyone else would care.   
Sasuke found himself wandering towards the village gates, his brother had left that morning, but Sasuke wouldn’t put it past Itachi to be arriving back later that day. Itachi could complete his mission faster than anyone else had.   
Sasuke sighed and found a place to sit and wait without actually leaving the village. He needed his brother, needed Itachi’s help to understand why Sasuke had been feeling the way he had been. He wanted Itachi to know that Sasuke had been finding pleasure in hurting himself when he couldn’t find any pleasure in anything else he done. He knew Itachi likely wouldn’t understand and would be even angrier with Sasuke. Then again, Sasuke doubted Itachi would even understand why Sasuke felt the way he did, because unlike Sasuke, Itachi had their father’s approval.   
Not knowing what to do and not wanting to spend the night waiting for his brother by the village gates, Sasuke decided to head home. He just hoped he could avoid his father for the time being.   
Sadly that wasn’t to be, as Sasuke reached his house, Fugaku was waiting out on the porch for him. Sasuke frowned at the angry expression but tried to steel himself for the angry onslaught that was to come.   
“Where has your fat butt been all day?” Fugaku yelled “I know it wasn’t in school because your teacher called.” there was that word again, fat Sasuke thought maybe Naruto had been telling the truth when he had been calling Sasuke fatso.  
Sasuke didn’t bother explaining himself instead he walked past his father and into the house. Sitting his things down Sasuke made his way into the bathroom. Kneeling down, and knowing that other than a quick meal when he had been waiting for his brother at the gates. Sticking two fingers down his throat, Sasuke gagged until the small meal that he had eaten had come up and spilled over into the toilet. He spent the next several minutes bent over the toilet.   
When he was finished, Sasuke sat back on his haunches and wiped absentmindedly at his mouth. Sasuke wondered if he would have to do this every day just to get his father’s approval. It wasn’t fair of his father to be so damn demanding.   
“Sasuke, we are going to talk about this” His father said through the door, still sounding angry. “make yourself sick all you want, you won’t get any sympathy from anyone in this family.” Sasuke closed his eyes, silently hurting. If his father thought that Sasuke was only after sympathy than he was completely missing the point.   
“Fine” Sasuke muttered as he pushed himself to his feet and walked past his father.  
“I’m tired of the pressure you are putting on me to be Itachi,” Sasuke told his father. “I can’t be Itachi, but you won’t listen.”   
“You could be just as good as your brother if you put forth the effort” Fugaku said stiffly, ignoring his younger son’s red rimmed eyes. Sasuke glared at him, sick of hearing the words that he could be like his brother.  
“You don’t ever listen.” Sasuke hissed, anger beginning to take over.   
“Same goes to you” his father replied “if you listened to anything I said you could be better. No Uchiha has ever performed as poorly as you.”  
Sasuke could only hear the words, you are not good enough to be an Uchiha. Even if his father hadn’t said that, that is exactly how it came across. Sasuke glared over at his father, before storming down the hall to his room. He couldn’t tell his father that he was starting to get sick of all the pressure. He just wanted to be happy but his father didn’t seem to care about that. His father didn’t care about anything that Sasuke liked.   
Slamming his door, Sasuke threw himself on his bed. He pulled out his kunai, desperately needing a release of any kind. As he placed the kunai on his arm, Sasuke couldn’t stop the tears. He was so tired of trying to please his father, he was tired of being a disappointment to his brother. Maybe his family would be better if he no longer existed. If Sasuke took his own life would his father even care? Would anyone even care? He doubted anyone in his class would care, aside from the fangirls that was.   
Sasuke made a slice on his arm, at the elbow. He watched the blood drop down his arm, he waited patiently for the relief that cutting normally brought, when it didn’t come, Sasuke made a few more cuts, not caring that he was getting blood all over his bed. Finally, Sasuke felt the release that he had been looking for. Closing his eyes, Sasuke lay his head back against the wall, ignoring the sounds of his mother and father fighting. He didn’t know what it was about and he didn’t really want to know.   
A few minutes later, Sasuke opened his eyes, and went to the restroom to get some clean bandages for his arm. As he slipped through the hall he heard his father say:  
“Sasuke needs to grow up and get over himself. Itachi could handle all of the pressure I put on his shoulders when he was Sasuke’s age.”  
“Sasuke is not Itachi.” His mother said “and I fear you won’t have Sasuke as a son at all if you don’t straighten up.”  
“Sasuke is not stupid enough to try to kill himself” Fugaku said “he wouldn’t dare do anything to bring dishonor to the Uchiha clan name.”   
“That’s where your wrong”, Sasuke muttered under his breath. “I don’t care about clan honor, I do however care about the pain that you are too stupid to realize you are causing.”   
Turning, Sasuke went back into his bedroom, bandages forgotten in the heat of his parents fight. He couldn’t help but feel that he would be better of dead, his parents wouldn’t be fighting. His brother wouldn’t have to risk his father’s wrath by defending him all the time. The question now was Did Sasuke have what it took to end his own life?


	3. Chapter 3

The Darkness in me  
Chapter 3

Over the course of the next several days, Sasuke got in the habit of forcing himself to throw up after every single meal. He was tired of hearing Naruto call him fat every day at school, tired of his father always calling him the Uchiha dead last. Would his father’s eyes never open? Sasuke was wasting away in front of them and they were too blind to see it. It didn’t help that Itachi was away on missions more than he was home lately. Sasuke found that he really missed his brother and could use someone to talk to. Would Itachi understand though? He didn’t know that Sasuke cut himself to try and ease the pain of his own father’s rejection. Sasuke knew his father wouldn’t understand, he would probably claim that it was a cry for attention, when in truth it was something far more than that. Sasuke didn’t believe that he could be rid of the depression that seemed to weigh on his shoulders more and more with each passing day.   
“Sasuke, what do you think you are doing to yourself?” Itachi asked. “it’s disgusting and shameful. Do you not have any pride in your Uchiha name?”  
“What’s to be proud of?” Sasuke asked “I might as well not be an Uchiha, just ask Father. He says it often enough. I don’t perform like an Uchiha.”  
“If you would get your mind off of your current problems maybe you could perform well.” Itachi pointed out. “you seem to me to be more and more distracted every day.”  
“That loser Naruto” Sasuke muttered turning away from his brother. “No one likes him but he thinks he has the right to put me down.”  
“Is there any truth to what he says?” Itachi asked “there is no reason why he would lie.” Sasuke looked down at his thinner than ever body. Everyday Naruto called him fat, and Sasuke would either end up throwing his lunch away or eating it and throwing it up. Sasuke had already lost several pounds but how was it he was still fat? It couldn’t be the truth could it?   
“Why are you suddenly siding with Father anyways?” Sasuke asked abruptly turning back around to face Itachi. “You have never agreed with him before?”  
“I’ve been my time on my missions thinking about your current situation” Itachi replied “enough time that my men have been hurt because I haven’t been paying attention. Father is right, you don’t work hard enough.” Itachi pointed out “You spend too much time thinking about yourself and not about how you can help the clan.” Sasuke shook his head, he should have known that he couldn’t even trust his own brother. If Itachi couldn’t understand what he was going through who could? Would it be better to off himself? That way no one would have to worry about the shame that he was bringing down on the Uchiha clan.   
Turning away from his brother, Sasuke faced the window, wondering about the best way to go about killing himself. He didn’t want to be found in the complex, because that would give someone the chance of stopping him. He would have to tell his parents he was going out to train or something. His father couldn’t argue with him about that, and he doubted his mother would come looking for him for several hours after he was supposed to come home for dinner. How could he end it though, poison would work quicker than slitting his wrists, and it would be less messy. Even though Sasuke didn’t really care if they would have a mess to clean up or not. He supposed he could go to the valley of the end and jump of the cliff, though he didn’t like the idea of breaking his bones and then not succeeding in killing himself.   
“Are you thinking about your own petty problems again” Itachi’s voice interrupted Sasuke’s thoughts. “That’s your biggest problem of all you don’t think about anyone else.”  
“That’s not true” Sasuke muttered “I am thinking about how much easier everyone’s life will be once I kill myself. You could continue with your missions and not have to worry about your selfish little brother.” Sasuke snapped, wishing that he could somehow convey his pain to his brother so that Itachi could understand how he felt.   
“You don’t have the guts to kill yourself.” Itachi said “You won’t even have the guts to try.”   
Sasuke sat up breathing hard, he hated it when he dreamed about conversations like that with his brother. Itachi had never been one to be so judgmental, and Sasuke was certain that Itachi would actually be able to understand his pain, unlike the Itachi in his dream. Sasuke couldn’t help but wonder though if it came down to it if disappearing would be the best way to kill himself. He was certain no one would come after him for a little while, at least not until he was gone.   
If the worst came down to it Sasuke thought that’s what I will do, I will disappear never to be heard from again. It made him sad that his own life would come down to that, when it could have been prevented in the first place, if they had just cared enough to look past his appearance.   
Hearing footsteps coming down the hall, Sasuke jumped up and crossed his room to open the door. He found Itachi slowly walking with one hand against the wall for support.   
“What happened Itachi?” Sasuke asked with concern in his voice. Itachi usually never came home hurt. He was too good at what he done to get injured.  
“I was too distracted” Itachi said a little too harshly, he didn’t see Sasuke cringe.   
“I’ve been my time on my missions thinking about your current situation” Itachi replied “enough time that my men have been hurt because I haven’t been paying attention.” Itachi’s dream words came back to haunt Sasuke and he found himself slipping back into his room without saying another word. Silently closing the door Sasuke made his way back to his bed, but not before grabbed his newly sharpened kunai off the dresser. Maybe his brother did think that Sasuke was selfish and that he didn’t work hard enough. Sasuke closed his eyes, as he pressed the kunai to his arm, not caring whether it was in a place where he could keep it hidden or not. If his brother couldn’t try to understand him than what was the point in trying to beat his depression?   
Swallowing, hard, Sasuke made a thin cut on his arm, opening his eyes, he watched the blood drop onto his comforter. Sasuke smiled darkly, watching the blood. His emotional pain seemed to slide away with each drop of blood. He didn’t have to worry about his brother rejecting him as well as their father. He couldn’t bring himself to care about anything.   
Sasuke didn’t hear the door open or his father enter the room to catch him as he got ready to make another shallow slice on his arm.  
“What do you think you are doing?” His father yelled catching Sasuke by surprise, his father reached out and grabbed Sasuke’s arm, his tight grip causing Sasuke to wince.   
“Do you really care?” Sasuke asked, staring into his father’s angry gaze.   
“Do you know that you have just brought dishonor to this family?” his father shouted. “No one in this family has ever gone to the extremes that you have to dishonor the Uchiha name.”   
“Is that really all you care about?” Sasuke wondered looking away from his father. “is honor going to make people love you when you’ve lost everything?” Fugaku glared at Sasuke and roughly jerked him off the bed. Sasuke paused in front of his mirror not wanting to see his imperfection. What really stared back at him was a sickly thin boy who needed help but didn’t realize it. Sasuke didn’t really that he had already lost more weight than he could afford to. He still someone who couldn’t even live up to the expectations of his enemy’s much less his own father.   
“You make me sick” Fugaku snarled shoving Sasuke out of his bedroom and into the wall, to stand in front of his brother and mother.   
“I just found him cutting himself.” Fugaku said “Itachi I want you to take all of his kunai and shuriken. He won’t get them until he needs them for school. Even then his teachers will be told of what he likes to do with them. You have brought much shame and dishonor to this family Sasuke. I hope you can live with yourself.”   
Sasuke didn’t need to look up to feel the disappointed looks coming from his mother and brother. Could he do nothing right? Sasuke couldn’t help the tears that pooled in his eyes. Even now his father couldn’t see that Sasuke was dying inside. All he needed was a few words of approval and to not be compared to Itachi and none of this would have even happened.   
“You could have prevented this from happening.” Sasuke said darkly, his hands clinched into fists as he stared down at the floor. “None of this would have ever happened if it wasn’t for you. Just remember what happens from here on out is on you.” that being said, Sasuke yanked his arm out of his father’s painfully tight grip and reentered his bedroom. It looked like his plan would go into effect earlier than he had planned.   
Laying down on his bed, Sasuke buried his face in his pillow. Was honor all that anyone cared about in this family? He had sensed more than seen Itachi’s disappointment, and that hurt Sasuke more than anything. He never wanted to disappoint Itachi, but apparently that’s all that Sasuke was good for. Bringing disappointment and dishonor. He meant it when he said it was his father’s fault for what was to come. Sasuke’s death could have been prevented if he had taken the time to be a little more understanding of Sasuke’s issues instead of humiliating him with them.   
“Blaming our father, isn’t going to make things better for you.” Itachi said quietly entering the room, and closing the door behind him. Sasuke sighed, he didn’t want to get into this with Itachi right now, he had plans that needed to be made.   
“I am only putting the blame where it belongs.” Sasuke replied “I always thoughts that you would understand, but even you only care about honoring the Uchiha name.”  
“Why?” Itachi asked ignoring Sasuke’s accusation. “Why are you doing this if you know it will only bring shame to our father.”  
“I think you already know why” Sasuke answered “but deep down you want to ignore what is staring at you in the face because you don’t know how, or you don’t want to deal with it.” Itachi sighed, Sasuke was right, Itachi had the feeling why Sasuke was doing this, he just hoped he was wrong. How could he help his little brother? There had to be someway to help Sasuke see that everything he was going through wasn’t for nothing, but it was to help him become strong in case trouble ever came calling. He wished he could put an end to Sasuke’s hurting, but he knew for a change his father was right. Cutting wasn’t the way to do it. Neither was starving himself which by the amount of weight Sasuke had lost lately is something else he was doing. Did his brother want to be away from their father that badly that he would slowly kill himself over it? Reaching out, Itachi put his hand on Sasuke’s too thin shoulder.  
“If you want to be free from what you are feeling you are going about it the wrong way.” Itachi said quietly, he couldn’t stand the thought that his little brother was hurting so much that he wanted to die just to be free from it.   
“I’m tired of hurting, Itachi.” Sasuke said his voice sounding robotic. “Father doesn’t care about anything but family honor. Who cares that their child is on the verge of suicide as long as it doesn’t bring shame to the Uchiha name.”  
“I think if anything ever happened to you, it would hurt Father deeper than you realize.” Itachi said “he loves you but he doesn’t always show it in the best of ways.”  
“Sure” Sasuke mumbled “He’s always telling me he loves me by telling me that I need to be more like you, and that I need to work harder.”   
“Don’t hurt yourself anymore.” Itachi said “it would bring more than dishonor to the Uchiha name if you were to continue going down the path that you are going.” Itachi stood and walked towards the door.  
“By the way Mother says it’s time to eat.”  
“I’m not hungry” Sasuke replied, not bothering to turn around, if he had he would have seen the tears that dropped from Itachi’s eyes and rolled down his cheek. He feared his brother was closer to taking his own life than anyone even realized.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sasuke lay on his bed until he was sure that everyone was asleep. Pushing himself to his feet, Sasuke pulled his shoes on, trying to make as little noise as possible. He hated that he wasn’t going to be able to say goodbye, but if he didn’t want to be stopped this was how it had to be.   
Silently slipping out of his room, Sasuke headed towards the kitchen he knew his father would have put his kunai’s and shuriken in the kitchen drawer with all the other knives and utensils. His father’s mistake would be not locking them up. Opening a drawer, Sasuke grabbed the sharpest kunai he had and slipped it into his pocket. Looking around him, Sasuke was filled with sadness, but he couldn’t allow himself to continue to live with the pressure that his father put on him. He couldn’t handle constantly being put down by his father, it wasn’t fair that he was always compared to Itachi, who was a genius.   
Sasuke wondered briefly if he should leave a note explaining his actions. He knew his mother would be heart broken over his decision but everyone else he was certain would learn to live with it. He just hoped his father wasn’t too guilty. He loved his father and only hoped that he would learn from this mistake. He hoped he would treat Itachi with more respect, though that had never really been an issue to begin with.   
“I’m sorry” Sasuke whispered as tears filled his eyes. “I’m too much of a loser to be able to continue living this way anymore, I can’t handle it.” turning, Sasuke decided he wouldn’t leave a note. He didn’t want to take the chance that one of them would get thirsty and decide to come in the kitchen while he was still here.   
Slipping out of the door, Sasuke steeled himself finding it harder to leave the house than he had expected. He loved his parents and hoped they would soon get over their grief, he hated what he was about to do to Itachi, because he knew his brother honestly wanted to help him but wasn’t sure how to reach his little brother. Sasuke however, was the only one who seemed to know that there wasn’t any help for him, the best thing they could do for him was to let him go. To set him free from the hurt and depression that he lived in constantly. No one should ever have to live with unfair expectations, to be put down because you weren’t able to live up to those was grossly unfair. Sasuke knew he was weak and wouldn’t ever be able to be who his father wanted him to be.   
“Don’t grieve for me too much.” Sasuke said softly as he started towards the village gates. He figured once he got past the gates if he went a few miles out, he would be okay, no one would know to look for him there. Not until someone came home from a mission anyways.   
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Sasuke stared at the ground and walked, ignoring the sounds around him. He walked past Naruto, stared at Sasuke like he had never seen him before.   
“Sasuke” Sasuke heard Naruto call his name but he didn’t bother to answer. He didn’t really care what the blond thought of him anymore, because his opinion would no longer matter in just a little while. For the last week, Sasuke hadn’t bothered showing up to school, his father had been on a mission so he wasn’t likely to find out. The whole week he had skipped, he had been planning his suicide. Being caught cutting had been the end of the line, but Sasuke had decided to end his life before that. He didn’t really care if it brought dishonor to his family, his father needed to learn that there was more to life than honor and being able to fight.   
Sighing, Sasuke passed the guards at the gate, not saying a word. He knew they would report to the Hokage that he had left, but by the time they caught up to him it would be too late. They would find that they only had a body to bury. What he didn’t was that Naruto had been worried at the sight of the all too thin Sasuke, he could tell the boy had lost more weight than what was healthy for a Nin to lose, and so he had ran back to the Uchiha complex to alert Itachi of his brother’s actions. Naruto was certain the black haired teen had something planned, and whatever it was couldn’t be good.   
Naruto pounded on Itachi’s window, unsure of why he had gone directly to Sasuke’s older brother instead of his parents, but he had the feeling that Itachi was the one that needed to know about what his brother was doing.  
“Naruto” Itachi said opening the window after a moment’s rubbing his eyes “what are you doing here? It’s too late for you to be out.”  
“It’s Sasuke. I think he’s leaving the village. I found him heading for the gates.” Naruto said, concern for the younger Uchiha. “I called out for him to stop but he ignored me.” Naruto paused when he saw the stricken look on Itachi’s face.   
“That little asshole” Itachi muttered “when I get a hold on him, I will kill him myself.” Itachi turned and grabbed his cloak and his shoes before slipping out the window.  
“I want you to go and get a couple medic Nin’s” Itachi told Naruto “and I want you to meet me at the village gates. If Sasuke is doing what I think he is going to be doing, we will need the medics.”  
“What’s going on with Sasuke?” Naruto asked, he knew there had to be something. When Sasuke bothered coming to class, he never took Naruto’s bait, never argued or even tried fighting with the blond. Naruto had also taken notice of Sasuke’s weight, the kid had never been huge, had always been a little on the thin side, now though Sasuke was clearly on the sick side of that line.   
“I think he has gone off to kill himself.” Itachi answered grimly, though he knew the blond wouldn’t like that answer.   
“Why? Why would he do that?” Naruto shouted, shocked at the answer. He had never liked Sasuke, had always thought that he was too stuck up for his own good, but to think the kid would just go off to kill himself, Naruto hadn’t thought it was possible.  
“He’s got more problems than you think.” Itachi replied as he started jogging towards the village gates.   
“What about your parents?” Naruto called wondering if he should alert them now.  
“Let me deal with them when Sasuke is safe and sound” Itachi replied as he started running faster. He was worried about his little brother, and had the feeling that Sasuke was going to try something like this sooner or later. He just hoped he wasn’t too late, he couldn’t stand the thought that Sasuke didn’t think he could come to Itachi when something was bothering him.   
Once at the gates, Itachi only paused to ask what direction Sasuke had been heading in, once he had been told. Itachi took off running as fast as he could, worry eating at his heart with each step that he took. If Sasuke wasn’t dead when Itachi found him, he was going to kill him just for the worry that he had put Itachi through. 

Sasuke found a place, just off of the path a few miles away from the village gates. He knew the alarm would be raised that he was gone, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He would soon be free from everyone’s expectations, and he could almost breath in a sigh of relief at the thought. Sasuke hurt so much it was kind of hard to explain to anyone what it felt like to be happy and full of joy, Sasuke hadn’t felt that way in a long time.   
Finding a tree, Sasuke slide down the trunk, and stared at the kunai in his hand. He supposed poison would have been easier but it was at this point that Sasuke didn’t really believe that he deserved an easy death, he deserved as painful a death as possible for what he was about to put his family through. He hated what Itachi would have to deal with, hearing the whispers about what Sasuke done, through the village. Living with the guilt that Sasuke’s suicide was sure to bring. Sasuke shook his head, feeling tears pool in his eyes. He didn’t like thinking of what it was going to do to his brother, when he thought about it it almost made Sasuke want to back out of doing it. Itachi was the only that didn’t deserve to deal with the dishonor of what he was getting ready to do. If it wasn’t for Itachi Sasuke probably would have killed himself long ago.  
Sobs tore through Sasuke as he struggled with wanting to slit his wrists and not wanting to bring shame to Itachi. Itachi would find a way to help him, Sasuke knew that. But Sasuke also wanted to be free from the pressure that his father put on him constantly.   
“Sasuke isn’t stupid enough to take his own life. He wouldn’t do something that would bring so much dishonor to this clan.” Sasuke remembered his father harsh words and almost laughed out loud.   
“I’m sorry for what I am about to do Itachi, but I am not anywhere near as strong as you are, I can’t deal with Father anymore. He doesn’t understand me, nor does he even try to. He think the best thing for me is be made into your image. I can’t do that, it’s killing me, literally.” Sasuke closed his eyes, and brought the kunai up to his throat. It wouldn’t take much, just a small bit of strength, to push the kunai into his throat and slide it across. He would likely bleed out before anyone could even find him.   
Taking a deep breath, Sasuke tried to force thoughts of his brother out of his head. If he thought about Itachi the whole time there was no way he would be able to go through with it. Closing his eyes, Sasuke stabbed the kunai into the side of his throat, feeling the blood pooling around the the kunai, Sasuke jerked it, dragging it across his throat. It was harder than he thought it would be, even with a sharp kunai. Human flesh was tougher than it looked, Sasuke however, was determined and he got the kunai about halfway through his neck. He opened his mouth for a moment to attempt to shoo away the birds that were coming near but no sound came out, and Sasuke was quickly growing tired from holding the kunai.   
Sighing, Sasuke gave up on making the complete cut across his throat, he figured he had done enough damage and it wouldn’t be long until he bled out anyways. Pulling the kunai out of his throat, Sasuke let it drop to the ground, he leaned his head back against the tree and waited.   
It didn’t Itachi long to find Sasuke, when he did he was shocked, his little brother had tried to cut his throat but it looked like he hadn’t been able to complete. Itachi’s heart broke as he kneeled in his brother’s blood to check to see his Sasuke still had a pulse. It was weak but it was still there.  
“I’m not letting you die, Sasuke” Itachi said tears forming in his eyes. “I refuse to let you go this way. Why didn’t you come to me, I could have helped you damn it!” Itachi tore off a piece of his cloak and tied it around Sasuke’s throat. He wasn’t sure if it would help slow the blood flow or not, but he hoped so. Sasuke had already lost a lot of blood. Which meant that Itachi didn’t have too much longer to get him back to Konoha and in the hospital.   
“Sasuke, I should have seen this coming” Itachi muttered as he picked his unconscious brother up, and placed him on his back. “I should have known you were going to do this. If I was a better brother I could have stopped it from happening to begin with.” Itachi took off running, his heart beating fast with fear. He was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to make it back to Konoha before Sasuke’s heart stopped beating. The terror made Itachi faster and he made it back to the village gates within a matter of minutes. Naruto was waiting at the gates with a medical team.   
“His condition is critical.” Itachi barked to the Medical Nin’s. “He’s lost a lot of blood. He’s needs to get to the hospital like yesterday.” Itachi handed Sasuke off knowing that he would be in better hands with the medical team. But at the same time he didn’t want to let Sasuke go, knowing that it could be the last time that he saw his little brother alive. Itachi watched the Medical team race away with Sasuke.   
“Please don’t tell your classmates about this.” Itachi told Naruto “Sasuke deals with more than you guys think he does, he doesn’t need to be made fun of for this. Especially since this was not a cry for help, but a serious intention to end his life.”  
“I won’t say anything.” Naruto promised he was still shocked at seeing the blood covered Uchiha. The kid had been serious about trying to end his life. Naruto had never thought it would be possible. He just hoped for Itachi’s sake that Sasuke pulled through.  
Twenty minutes later, Itachi was sitting in the hospital waiting room. Pacing, Sasuke hadn’t looked well by the time he had reached the hospital. Itachi hoped that somehow his brother found the strength to pull through, even though that was the last thing that he wanted. Itachi understood why Sasuke done what he did, even though he didn’t like it. He vowed that if Sasuke pulled through this that he would never get the chance to do it again. Itachi would leave the village for good with Sasuke if he had to. Eventually their father would learn that he had made a mistake with Sasuke.   
“Have you heard anything?” Itachi heard a worried voice ask, and Itachi looked up to find his mother looking him worried while, his father was scowling at him.  
“Not yet,” Itachi replied “But he didn’t look very good when I found him.”  
“No son of mine is going to dishonor the family like this. When he awakes he will no longer be apart of the family.” Fugaku muttered, glaring down at the floor.  
“Is that really all you care about?” Itachi shouted, glaring at his father. “Our family’s honor is not worth your youngest son’s life. Sasuke tried to kill himself because of you! Open your eyes for once and see the damage that you have caused?” Itachi closed his eyes, wiping his hands on his cloak. He had said he wouldn’t get angry. But knowing his father had pushed Sasuke this far greatly angered him. Sasuke hadn’t deserved to be treated as badly as he had been, pushed to be like someone that he was not.   
“I fear that if Sasuke survives this, he will try again until he succeeds.” Itachi said slowly raising his eyes to look at his father. “If Sasuke dies his blood is on your hands.” That being said Itachi walked off and stood in front of the window. He was angry that things had been allowed to get this bad for Sasuke, Itachi also blamed himself for being so busy that he didn’t take the time to notice that things were going badly for Sasuke. He remembered the night before when he had gotten home from his mission and Sasuke had opened his door to ask him what was wrong. Itachi had told him that he had been distracted on the mission. The way Sasuke had cringed away from him should have told Itachi all that he needed to know. Sasuke was not in a good place mentally. Itachi had been too wrapped up in his missions to recognize that fact. Now Sasuke may very well pay for that mistake with his life.   
Just the thought of Sasuke dying was enough to make Itachi’s heart beat faster, and sweat start to form on his forehead. Leaning forward Itachi placed his head on the window, struggling to keep the panic back. He had to believe that Sasuke was going to get through this. Yes, things looked bad, but they had the best doctors working at this hospital, they would find a solution to dealing with it.  
“He’s going to be okay,” Itachi felt a hand on his back as his mother whispered to him. “you know he will.”   
“How?” Itachi asked “you didn’t see him, he had tried to cut his own throat. I can still see the blood pulsing from his neck.” Itachi closed his eyes, his heart beating faster. “I can remember barely feeling his pulse. He was damn near dead when I reached him. I don’t know that he physically has enough strength or blood to survive.” he knew he was hurting his mother with his words, but right now. No one could possibly hurt as much as he was. His own little brother thought that taking his own life had been the answer to his problems. Itachi wished he had tried harder to make Sasuke understand that that wasn’t the case.   
“You’ve always been such a good brother” Mikoto said softly “You’ve been there for Sasuke when neither your father or I could. He always looked up to you even when Fugaku expected him to be just like you. I know that it was unfair to put that much pressure on Sasuke’s shoulders, but your father only wants what is best for Sasuke. He only wants him to be strong, so that Sasuke can take care of himself should trouble arise.” Itachi shook his head in disbelief.   
“You are defending him?” Itachi asked “he is the reason Sasuke tried to kill himself! How can you defend him.”  
“Because I love him and I promised to stand beside him no matter what happens.” Mikoto answered. “I know you don’t understand, but I do believe that your father wants what is best for Sasuke.”  
“If that was the case he wouldn’t try to force Sasuke to be me” Itachi felt like yelling. “Did either of you even notice that Sasuke was slowly starving himself? He weighs next to nothing so even if he survives he won’t be leaving the hospital any time soon.”   
“No one is perfect, not even your parents.” Mikoto said “I hope that Sasuke can get the help he needs, but I will stand by whatever decision your father makes about him.” Itachi shook his head before replying.  
“Then I stand with Sasuke, he deserves to have someone support him and to help him.” Itachi replied, turning away from his mother. It made him sick that his own parents were willing to turn away from their hurting son. Sasuke needed help not people to turn him away because he was depressed and struggling with an eating disorder as well. He didn’t care what Sasuke was dealing with, Itachi would never turn him away.   
Itachi turned and walked away from his mother. He couldn’t believe that after everything their father had done to Sasuke she was willing to stand beside him. Sasuke was in this current situation because of him. Itachi couldn’t understand why the man wouldn’t open his eyes to see the kind of damage he was doing. Of course, most people didn’t realize the kind of damage their words could cause. Words were a powerful thing when wielded the wrong way. They could either help or hurt and in Fugaku’s case they had never done anything but hurt. It made Itachi wonder what his grandfather, whom had died when Itachi was a baby, was like. Had he been the same way that Fugaku was with Sasuke? Itachi could see it now, it would explain why Fugaku was so hard hearted. Growing up with a parent like that you either became so numb that you could no longer feel the sting of the words, or you took the words too much to heart and they broke you down. Sasuke was pretty tender hearted so it didn’t take much to hurt him. Itachi hated that Sasuke got hurt so easily. At one point Itachi had thought that Sasuke needed to toughen up a little. After all one couldn’t let everything someone said bother them. And then this happened, Sasuke was now fighting for his life and Itachi had no idea if he would make it or not. He could only pray that he did, at the same time though he kind of hoped that Sasuke didn’t pull through. That way Sasuke wouldn’t have to suffer through being abandoned by his parents. Telling Sasuke that his parents no longer wanted anything to do with him was going to be hard, and Itachi wasn’t so sure that it wouldn’t make Sasuke attempt suicide again. One thing was certain, Itachi would not leave, he would be the support that Sasuke had so desperately needed. He would give his brother the love that he so clearly longed for, he couldn’t make up for his parents. But he could be a better brother, one who was more attentive than he was in the past.   
Hearing the door open, Itachi looked up to watch his parents exit the hospital, and since he had yet to find anything out about Sasuke’s condition, he knew they didn’t know anything. Scowling, Itachi wondered how they could be so self centered that they couldn’t even be there for Sasuke when he needed them. Looking down at the floor, Itachi thought about what he was going to do. He would need to get an apartment asap, not that Sasuke would be released from the hospital anytime soon, but he would need a place to go for when he did get released. Itachi didn’t have to worry about the money aspect, he could very easily get the apartment on his own. He had plenty of money stashed away in case of an emergency, and this was certainly the worst kind of emergency that Itachi could imagine. The only thing that bothered Itachi was when Sasuke was released and Itachi had to go on a mission. He wouldn’t be able to take Sasuke with him, and he didn’t trust Sasuke not to try to hurt himself again. Of course, by the time Sasuke was released it would probably be about time for the Genin exams, he knew Sasuke would probably still be able to participate in them since he was pretty much at the top of his class. Maybe getting put on teams would help Sasuke.   
“Are you hear for Sasuke Uchiha?” a voice asked and Itachi looked up.   
“I’m his brother.” Itachi replied “How is he?”  
“This was not a cry for help, this was a serious attempt on his life.” the doctor informed Itachi, who silently agreed. “We were able to stitch up his throat, but we were not able to repair the damage he done to his vocal cords.”  
“What does that mean?” Itachi asked.  
“I’m afraid unless a miracle occurs, your brother will never speak again.” Itachi closed his eyes, he wasn’t sure what that would mean for Sasuke’s career as a shinobi but he knew life wasn’t going to be easy for his brother from here on out.  
“What about his weight?” Itachi asked “I know that it is below normal for a kid his age.”   
“Right now we have him on a GJ feeding tube, because I highly doubt he would be able to handle any kind of solid food, and with the damage to his throat, it would be more difficult to even get liquids into his stomach. A few more pounds and his organs would have started shutting down, if that had happened I highly doubt that he could have been saved. I suggest if he pulls through this that he start seeing a therapist.”   
“I think he has needed one for a long time, but no one, myself included paid any attention.” Itachi said. “Will Sasuke make a complete recovery?”  
“Right now that is hard to say. He done a good amount of damage to his throat and lost a lot of blood, that and the damage he done to his body through the eating disorder makes it even harder.” The doctor replied “I wish I had better news for you but right now your brother’s condition is critical, he could die anytime during the night.”  
“I wonder if it would just be better to let him go, considering the amount of crap he has to face if he does survive” Itachi wondered out loud. He didn’t want his little brother to die, he just wanted Sasuke to want to live. The odds were stacked against him right now but that didn’t mean that Sasuke couldn’t pull through.   
“When can I see him?” Itachi asked, he didn’t want his brother to think that he was alone. No one deserved to be alone even if they had tried to kill themselves.  
“If you follow me, you can see him now.” The doctor answered and with that led Itachi down the hall to the ICU where Sasuke was being kept.   
Sasuke was hooked up to all kinds of machines, his throat was wrapped in bandages. Just the sight of his brother lying unconscious like that made Itachi want to cry. No matter what Sasuke had said or done, he didn’t deserve to be in this condition right now.  
“Was I wrong in trying to save you?” Itachi wondered as he crossed the room to stand beside Sasuke’s bed. “I know how difficult things have been for you lately, and I know how much you have been hurting. With the things you have facing you when you wake up, I can’t help but wonder if I made the wrong decision?” Itachi could feel tears well up in his eyes. He only wanted what was best for Sasuke, but lately that only ended up in Sasuke suffering.   
“How do I even know what is right for you?” Itachi asked, reaching out and touching his brother’s pale cheek, it was cool to the touch. “I’ve always said I would do whatever I needed to protect you, but it turns out I couldn’t even protect you from our own parents. What kind of brother does that make me?” Itachi’s heart hurt so much he thought it was a miracle that it didn’t burst right out of his chest.  
“You have so much going against you right now that it will take a miracle for you to survive, and even if you do you will have to deal with Mother and Father’s abandonment and I know that’s going to cause you even more pain. I wish I could take it away for you. If I could I would take all your pain, just so you wouldn’t ever have to hurt.” Itachi shook his head and allowed a few tears to fall. He didn’t even know the right words to say to his unconscious brother.   
“I’m sorry I couldn’t even be a decent brother, I couldn’t protect you the way that I wanted to. I understand if you don’t have the strength to pull through, you have nothing to really want to come back too. If you do come back to me, I promise I will do my best to shield you from our parents scorn, after all that’s the reason you are here in the first place.” Itachi closed his eyes and wiped at his tears. It was harder seeing Sasuke in this condition than he had even expected. He would stay here with Sasuke until he either woke up or he moved on from this life.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Itachi sat down beside his brother’s bed, his hand reaching out and taking hold of Sasuke’s. he hated that his brother would never speak again, but that wouldn’t stop him from becoming a great shinobi, not as long as he had Itachi willing to train him. First of all though, he had to beat this eating disorder, and gain some weight. Itachi would help him with that too, there wasn’t anything that Itachi wasn’t willing to do to help his brother. Itachi wondered if their parents would even care to hear about Sasuke’s current condition. He was certain his mother would want to know but she wasn’t going to go against Fugaku’s wishes. How could someone become so hard hearted that they disown their own child for trying to express the pain that the parent caused in the first place. It didn’t sense to Itachi. Then something that Sasuke had said came to mind.   
“None of this would have ever happened if it wasn’t for you. Just remember what happens from here on out is on you.” Itachi wondered if even then Sasuke had been planning on killing himself. Itachi shook his head, he had been an outright idiot to not see the signs that Sasuke was planning on doing something.   
“They say I am a genius” Itachi said looking up at Sasuke’s face, which for once had a peaceful expression on it. “But I wasn’t smart enough to see that you have been planning on doing this for quite some time. How blind does that make me?” would he even be able to help his brother? It certainly seemed impossible at the moment. Sasuke had a serious eating disorder along with a mental illness that threatened to take his life. The odds did seem insurmountable, even if Itachi was there to guide him along the way.   
Itachi sighed and looked out the window, still wondering if he was doing the right thing by keeping Sasuke living in a world that he felt like he didn’t fit in.   
“I’m sorry if I am hurting you by doing this” Itachi murmured “but I am nowhere near ready to let you go yet. You have far too much talent and so much that you can accomplish, and yet you are weighed down by depression. I know the odds won’t be easy, but from now on you are not going to face it alone. Even if I have to find a way, I will help you carry your pain.” Itachi said rubbing at his eyes. He had been at the hospital for hours, but he was a little afraid to leave. In case, Sasuke did decide to make his exit. No one deserved to die alone, not even if they had attempted suicide.   
“I don’t know what to do Sasuke” Itachi said turning back to his brother. “I don’t want to leave you alone, but at the same time I know that I need to get some rest.”   
“He wouldn’t want you to wear yourself out.” a voice said from the doorway, and Itachi turned to see Sasuke’s teacher standing at the doorway.   
“He doesn’t look good.” Iruka said entering the room, and coming to stand beside Itachi.   
“No, he doesn’t” Itachi agreed.   
“Is he going to be okay?” Iruka asked, hurting for his student, the one that hurt so much that he tried to kill himself to put an end to it.   
“They don’t know yet.” Itachi said “he lost a lot of blood, and done a lot of throat to his damage, but he also has an eating disorder.”  
“If I had known that Sasuke was dealing with something like this,” Iruka murmured “I would have tried to find some way to help him. Lately though he hasn’t even bothered showing up to class so it was kind of hard to know that he needed help.”   
“He always liked your class” Itachi said frowning, if Sasuke had been skipping class for a while, it made Itachi wonder again how long he had been planning to kill himself.   
“Every time something like this happens, those around him wonder what they could have done to prevent it.” Iruka said “In all honesty, I don’t think you could have stopped him. When someone becomes that determined to die, they usually succeed.”  
“If Naruto hadn’t come to get me, Sasuke would have been dead before I had found him.” Itachi said “I know that Sasuke and Naruto didn’t get along, but it makes me wonder if given time they could have become friends.”  
“I think they would have, and when Sasuke is better, I can imagine that Naruto will be right back to aggravating him again.” Iruka said smiling at the thought. What he wouldn’t give for his two students to be arguing in class again.  
“Sasuke will never speak again.” Itachi said “he done too much damage to his throat, damage that they couldn’t repair.” Iruka frowned he hoped that somewhere along the rough road that was about to become his life, that he could find the will to live. He hoped that Sasuke could find the light in the darkness.   
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Iruka said quietly “what does that mean for him an a shinobi?  
“I am going to train him myself if I have to, I won’t allow his physical disabilities to stop him from accomplishing this, not since he has wanted it since he was young.” Itachi told him. “But first I have to get him through the coming days, if he pulls through. Mother and Father don’t want anything to do with him, since he attempted suicide. Father claims that Sasuke brought dishonor to the clan.” The Uchiha’s were a prideful clan Iruka thought but still to disown a child for doing what Sasuke had done was ridiculous. No one deserved to be treated like that.   
“Sasuke adores you” Iruka said softly “I know that if anyone can get him through this, It can be you.” Itachi gave him a weak smile, he was going to need to be strong for Sasuke in the coming days, he just hoped he could be strong enough.   
“I adore him just as much, it’s just a shame that I didn’t show him enough.” Itachi said “maybe then he wouldn’t have done this.”  
“Like I said earlier” Iruka stated “You can’t stop a determined person, you can only hope that your light reaches them and guides them out of their dark place.”  
“I certainly hope you are right” Itachi said, “I don’t want to lose Sasuke I want him to get better an become the shinobi that I know he can be.”   
“With you by his side, there is nothing that Sasuke can’t accomplish.” Iruka replied as he turned and headed for the door. “And if there is anything you need me to do, just let me know.”  
“Only tell Naruto about Sasuke’s condition for the time being. I have the feeling that once word gets out about what Sasuke done, people will scorn him.”  
“It’s not right” Iruka murmured “He only wanted an end to his pain, what is so wrong about that?”  
“The way he went about it for one” Itachi muttered “but I agree, it’s not like its anyone’s business or anything. But still they are going to feel free to judge him, like they haven’t ever experienced a pain that they wanted to end.”   
Once Iruka was gone, Itachi turned back to his brother. Reaching down Itachi touched Sasuke’s cheek.   
“I wonder if you even know that I am with you now, refusing to let you go. I know you think you can’t ever beat this but I know that you can. I believe in you Sasuke, more so than Mother and Father ever did.” Itachi said softly hating that at the moment his little brother was dependent on machines to live.   
“I love you little brother and I will do anything to help you get better. Even if it means going against Mother and Father’s wishes.” Itachi couldn’t help but wonder why they had even bothered showing up at the hospital at all, if they were going to just turn around and leave twenty minutes later. Sasuke didn’t deserve their kind of support. He deserved someone who wasn’t afraid to stand with him, when he wasn’t strong enough to stand on his own.   
Bending down, Itachi pressed a kiss to Sasuke’s forehead.  
“Please don’t go anywhere.” Itachi murmured “I promise I will be back in the morning. I won’t let you go through this alone.” Itachi felt another tear fall from his eye, as he looked at his unconscious little brother one more time before turning and heading out of the room.   
Leaving Sasuke when his brother was in that condition, was hard. But Itachi knew that he needed to get some rest, being tired and wore out wouldn’t do Sasuke any good. And Itachi had the feeling he was going to be battling his parents just for the right to help Sasuke. He could almost see it now, and it made Itachi sick to his stomach that they would even think that just because Sasuke made the choice that he did, that he deserved to die for it. Itachi wouldn’t allow them to do anything that would bring anymore harm to Sasuke.   
After leaving the hospital, it took Itachi twenty minutes to reach the Uchiha complex. Itachi entered, and found his parents in the kitchen talking at the table. Itachi walked right past them, not having anything to say to them. He knew they wished they could just make Sasuke’s issues just disappear, but that wasn’t even remotely possible. Now that Sasuke attempted suicide, his problems were out in the open and they were going to be forced to deal with them. Itachi knew there were one of two ways they would deal. 1. they would reject Sasuke and refuse to have anything to do with him, and 2. they would do anything they could to get Sasuke the help that he needed. As far as Itachi was concerned they had chosen to go with option 1 and to Itachi that wasn’t even remotely acceptable.   
Entering his room, Itachi went straight to his bed and lay down, putting his hands under his head, Itachi stared up at the ceiling. His mind whirring with everything that he was going to need to help Sasuke. He wouldn’t mind a strong support system, but Itachi doubted he would get that. The rest of the clan had much of the same opinion that Fugaku did. They cared about Clan honor, not if a clan member was hurting or not. Itachi didn’t really think that was fair, but who was to be able to change things. Things would have to change if Sasuke was ever going to come back into the clan, not that their father would let him. He was sure he had a meeting with the Clan council already to decide what to do about Sasuke. Itachi growled under his breath, there was nothing more that he hated than Clan Politics. The rules didn’t generally serve in the good of anyone, at least to Itachi’s knowledge they didn’t. the rules hurt the hurting, and Itachi could admit that he didn’t want to think of what they would try to do to Sasuke for this.   
“Sasuke, was there no other way?” Itachi wondered. Surely, there could have been some different way of expressing his pain, a way that would have been healthy.   
Hearing his door open, Itachi turned to see his father enter his room.  
“The Clan has decided what to do about Sasuke.” his father told him gruffly and Itachi snorted. “He will not receive any more medical treatment.”  
“That will kill him.” Itachi shouted sitting up. “He’s a person not an object that you just decide to something with when it’s broken! you can’t just throw him away!”  
“He brought dishonor to our family and our clan by attempting suicide.” Fugaku said “if he wants to die so badly why not let him?”  
“When did you become such a cold hearted bastard?” Itachi yelled “fight to keep your son? Or is clan honor all that you really care about?” Itachi glared at his father, unable to believe that his father had treated Sasuke like he was disposable just because he was emotionally broken. Broken things could usually be mended and sometimes that just made them stronger.  
“He brought dishonor to the Clan, the Clan by the way is more important than our family.” Fugaku reminded Itachi.   
“Sasuke was broken because of you” Itachi said “you tried to force him to be like me, you of all people, should know that that is not possible. The Clan shouldn’t be able to chose whether your son lives or dies. That’s giving them too much power!” Itachi felt more broken inside than he had ever been. If the Clan had ordered no more medical treatment, what could Itachi do to save Sasuke?   
“That’s enough, Itachi. The Clan decided and that is what’s going to happen. I won’t have you bringing anymore shame to this family by sitting beside him.” Fugaku said.  
“My god, you don’t even care that it’s your own son do you?” Itachi wondered unable to stop the tears. He had to find a way around the Clan’s order. “You are head of the Clan Council if you had wanted to, you could have made sure that things didn’t happen this way. So who is it, that’s really bringing shame to the family. Because it’s certainly not Sasuke. Sasuke who only ever wanted to be loved by you and to make you proud of him. This is what you do in return? You kill your own child?” Itachi turned away, barely hearing his father’s whispered words.  
“Enough.” Itachi didn’t even see the tears in Fugaku’s eyes, Itachi was absolutely heartbroken for his little brother.   
“Maybe it’s better off to just let him go then. Since no one in this family cares enough to help him when he needs it.” Itachi couldn’t stop the sobs that rose in his throat. He wanted his little brother to live, but his own Clan wanted him to die because he hurt so badly.   
“The Clan should never have the power to make you decide what to do with your own child,” Itachi murmured “remember that when you are attending Sasuke’s funeral.”   
“I didn’t do this to hurt you.” his father said softly, hating that his eldest son was hurting so much.  
“You’re killing my little brother, how is that not hurting me?” Itachi asked quietly “and yes, I know Sasuke done this to himself but it was because of you, the constant put downs, the pressure to be just like me. That’s all on you. Sasuke’s blood will be on your hands.”  
“It’s not such an easy decision to make to allow someone to die, even if that someone is your son.” Fugaku said knowing his words probably wouldn’t bring Itachi any kind of comfort.   
“Sure seems like it.” Itachi muttered growing angrier the more they talked. Sasuke’s life didn’t seem to even matter to his father. Sasuke had been hurting so badly, and this Clan and his family had been completely blind to it.   
Itachi turned away from his father, he didn’t want to hear any more excuses on why it was necessary to allow Sasuke to die.   
“It takes a coward to allow the Clan Council to decide what to do about your son’s own life. Don’t be a coward, show them that Sasuke isn’t just some kid with mental problems. He’s a human who deserves love no matter what mistakes he has made. Clan honor should never come before the family.” Itachi refused to look at his father. Itachi wondered if Fugaku even cared about his family, the fact that he allowed the clan to decide Sasuke’s fate, made Itachi wonder. It wasn’t fair to allow them that much control over their life. Sasuke never really stood a chance, fighting for his father’s affection, he never would have gotten it. Because their father was too busy being Clan leader and making semi important decisions about what the rest of the clan needed to be doing. Life was not fair if it had been Sasuke would have had a more understanding father, or he would have even more talent than Itachi.   
Turning over on his stomach, Itachi buried his face in his pillow hiding his tears from his father. Itachi wouldn’t have been surprised if Fugaku had declared it illegal for Itachi to grieve for his brother. What had Sasuke ever done in his life that was do bad, that he had be born to parents who were cowards?   
“I know you don’t see it now” Fugaku said “But you will see that this is what is best for Sasuke.”  
“How would you know?” Itachi asked bitterly “You didn’t even stick around at the hospital to find out his condition and whether he was going to pull through or not. He might just make and what if he does? Will you order someone in the Clan to kill him? Or leave him out on the streets to suffer even more than he already has? You could always let the streets kill him, because someone is always after the Uchiha.” Itachi turned to look at his father.   
“Or maybe you already have a plan in place to assure that Sasuke doesn’t come out of the hospital.” Itachi said the idea making him sick to his stomach. “You plan on having someone kill him in the hospital.” Itachi jumped to his feet, shoving his way past his father.  
“You make me sick! You are willing to murder your own son for Clan honor.” Itachi grabbed his shoes, putting them on his feet as he walked. “I won’t allow you to murder him. No way in hell.”   
Itachi exited the house, ignoring his mother calling for him to stop. He wasn’t going to waste time and allow them to murder Sasuke when Itachi could protect him. Eventually maybe their father would understand that Sasuke was a person not just someone to rid themselves of because he had problems.  
Itachi raced through the streets of Konoha, hoping that he wasn’t too late. He couldn’t bare the thought that Sasuke dying without him beside him, of course, Itachi had no intention of allowing Sasuke to die if he could help it, especially not at the hands of their father. The thought that their father thought that he could just have his son murdered while he was in the hospital, made Itachi seriously wonder if Fugaku had ever really cared about Sasuke. Itachi found it hard to believe that if he did that he could so easily order his own son’s death. What kind of world did they live in?   
Bitter tears fell down Itachi’s face, as he finally entered the hospital. Racing towards Sasuke’s room, Itachi wiped at his tears, knowing that he needed to concentrate more on protecting his brother than how he felt right now.   
Entering the room, he found his cousin standing over Sasuke’s bed. He posed to place a pillow over Sasuke’s face.  
“Don’t you dare move!” Itachi threatened. “Step away from him. I’m not going to allow you to kill Sasuke.”  
“Does your father know that you are here?” Shisui asked.  
“I’m sure he does, since he practically told me that he planned on murdering Sasuke.” Itachi growled, watching as his cousin lowered the pillow.   
“Just because I am doing what I was ordered to, doesn’t mean that I believe that it is the right thing to do.” Shisui told Itachi. “I don’t want Sasuke to die, and I don’t care about the whole Clan honor thing.”  
“Then don’t kill him, help me protect him” Itachi pleaded “you know I don’t care about the Clan either, I just want to protect Sasuke from our own parents.”  
“He brought dishonor to the clan by attempting suicide.” Shisui said.  
“You don’t believe that anymore than I do.” Itachi said “you know what Sasuke went through with our father, you know that Sasuke has never had it easy.”  
“Then why not free him from the expectations of those around him. If he can’t live up to them, it’s not fair to let him suffer through everyone’s failed expectations.” Shisui pointed out.  
“I can’t let him go because I’m afraid” Itachi said finally. “I don’t want to live a life without my little brother in it. Besides that I made a promise to him a long time ago to protect him.”   
“Good enough reason for me” Shisui said, stepping away from the bed. “I believe myself, that Sasuke should be helped not murdered for feeling the way he does. To be honest your father just doesn’t want to deal with the feelings of guilt he is having, because Sasuke took things this far. Fugaku doesn’t want to have to look at Sasuke and remember the things that he done to force Sasuke to get to this point.”   
“I don’t think he feels anything at all.” Itachi muttered “the fact that he ordered a clan member to murder him tells me all that I need to know. All of this because Sasuke couldn’t be just like me.” Itachi walked over to Sasuke’s side, and took his head in his.  
“You still have family fighting for you kiddo. We are not going to allow anyone to cause you harm while you recover.” Itachi said.   
“Your father is not going to be happy that I didn’t follow through with his order.” Shisui said.   
“Not all orders should be followed,” Itachi said “This one was one of those.”  
“For what it’s worth, I hope he makes a full recovery and gives your father hell.” Shisui said, “no one deserves to live with the hell that Sasuke did.”  
“He’ll never talk again, I don’t know how much hell that he can cause.” Itachi said. “But I don’t mind helping him. I plan on moving out, and when Sasuke is released from the hospital, he is coming with me.”   
“Good for you.” Shisui said “Sasuke shouldn’t have to be around people who can’t handle him being who he is.” Shisui turned towards the door but before he left, he looked over his shoulder and said:  
“Know that you will have plenty of support to help with Sasuke. Not everyone wanted your father to murder Sasuke while he was here. Not everyone believes that Clan honor is all that matters.”


	6. chapter 6

Chapter 6

Once Shisui was gone, Itachi turned back to his little brother. Sasuke was still deeply unconscious, still had a feeding tube in his stomach, helping get the nutrients that he needed. Considering what his father had told him, Itachi was surprised they hadn’t removed the feeding tube, and removed the other machines that Sasuke was currently surviving on. Why would his own father be so easily convinced that death was the only way to help Sasuke now? It wasn’t, it might take a little bit of effort on Itachi’s part, but he believed that Sasuke could get better. He didn’t have to die because his father believed that that would be best for him.  
“I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, family or not.” Itachi said softly, sitting down beside Sasuke’s bed. He would protect Sasuke if he had to stay awake all night to do it. He didn’t care whom his father sent, Itachi would not allow it. “I hate that you are in this position. I’m sure if you were awake our father’s actions would only confirm what you think about him. That he only cares about the Clan and their stupid rules. I hope Shisui is right and there are more Uchiha that believe it is wrong to have you put to death.”  
Even as Itachi sat there, his eyes on the door for any Uchiha visitors. The doctors came in and began unhooking Sasuke from various machines.  
“What are you doing?” Itachi demanded to know “He needs those to survive right now.”  
“Your father informed us that Sasuke would no longer be needing medical treatment.” The doctor informed “although he will need surgery to remove the G tube.”  
“You are condemning this kid to death if you follow his orders.” Itachi reminded “a kid that is innocent of any crime, other than the fact that he was hurting so much that he didn’t know what to do about it.”   
“I myself, don’t believe that it is right.” the doctor told Itachi “But since The Uchiha makes the largest donation in funds. The head of medicine thought that it would be better to comply with The Uchiha wishes.” Itachi shook his head, unbelievable. Did anyone not think that Sasuke deserved to die?   
“The minute he is unhooked and is able to breathe on his own, I will take him to another hospital. One that’s not even in Konoha.” Itachi threatened meaning every word. He should have known that even the doctors here at Konoha General would be prejudiced against his brother.   
“As long as we aren’t treating him, I’m sure your father would be okay with that.” The man said. Itachi glared at the man wondering if leaving the village would be okay with the current Hokage. Itachi didn’t think the man would be so ignorant of Sasuke’s feelings on the matter, and Itachi knew that he wouldn’t be afraid to stand up to his father. But the trick was to be able to contact the Hokage without leaving Sasuke’s side. He didn’t trust his father not to do something when Itachi wasn’t there.   
“Sure as long as someone else is responsible for him living it’s perfectly okay. I thought you were supposed to help everyone, no matter how they ended up in the hospital?” Itachi wondered out loud bitterly. “You only help those who can afford it, and as long as it doesn’t interfere with the donations that the hospital receives.” Itachi turned his back to the doctor afraid he would say something else that he would regret. His mind was already spinning with places that he could Sasuke just to get away from this village and away from the family that could so easily murder him.   
When the doctor left, Itachi summoned his hawk, in which he sent to bring Iruka to the hospital. He knew that Iruka would be able to get in to see the Hokage with no problems.   
“Is Sasuke okay?” Iruka asked once he arrived at the hospital twenty minutes after he had been summoned.  
“Sasuke’s fine.” Itachi said “but I need you to do me a favor. I need you to ask the Hokage permission for me to leave the village with Sasuke. I no longer believe that there is anyone left in the village willing to help him.”   
“Of course,” Iruka said, hating that things had gotten this bad for his young student. “Where will you go with him?”  
“I’m not sure yet.” Itachi replied “But I no longer believe that it is safe for him to be here. If the Hokage refuses, I have no problems with becoming a rogue Nin, just to protect him.”   
“Surely, it won’t come to that.” Iruka protested. “Someone in this village would be willing to help Sasuke I am sure.” Itachi shook his head.  
“My Father ordered Sasuke to be killed for bringing dishonor to the Clan. Everyone is too afraid of him to disobey, even my own mother.” Itachi said bitterly. He loved his parents but the fact that they were so willing to allow this to happen, it made him sick. Iruka was disgusted by what Itachi had just told him. Once upon a time The Uchiha had been an honorable Clan, but it was clear to Iruka that they had strayed far from that path.   
“How could your father do that?” Iruka said “Is Sasuke’s life not worth more to him?”   
“Nope” Itachi shook his head. “Nothing is more important to my father than clan honor. It would make you sick if you could hear what he told me last night.” Iruka shook his head, if leaving was the only way that Itachi could protect Sasuke than he wouldn’t blame him.  
“I noticed that Sasuke wasn’t hooked up to so many machines. I thought it was because he was getting better.” Iruka murmured. Itachi shook his head.  
“That was another order from Father, Sasuke is not to receive any more medical treatment.” Itachi informed him “and because Father makes the largest donation to the hospital, the doctors aren’t willing to go against his orders.”   
“I’ll go talk with the Hokage and come back.” Iruka said “I don’t blame you for wanting to leave with him. Someone should care enough about him to risk their own status to help him, it shouldn’t surprise me that Sasuke’s older brother is the only one to step up. Your clan has long since lost the honor it claims to hold on to.” Itachi nodded and watched Iruka leave before turning back to Sasuke.  
“You had a good teacher with him Sasuke. It’s a shame that you won’t be able to continue your lessons with him.” Itachi sighed, plans for leaving with Sasuke still needed to be made, and that was even if The Hokage approved of his plan to begin with. He couldn’t imagine that the Hokage would make Sasuke stay here, after his father had more or less placed a hit out on Sasuke.   
Hearing footsteps approaching, Itachi reached for the kunai he had hid under his cloak. He was determined Sasuke was going to remain injury free the rest of the time that he was in the hospital, however long that even was.   
“Stay right there.” Itachi said when he saw the older Uchiha enter the room. “I will not allow you to harm Sasuke.”   
“I will not be so easily dissuaded as Shisui.” The man said glaring at Itachi. “Get out of the way, and let me get rid of the filth.”  
“The only filth here is you.” Itachi said, glaring back. “What is wrong with you that you think that honor is the only thing that matters. Because I would think a family members lives would be more important. No matter what mistakes they make, you should always love your family.”  
“Then if that was the case. Shouldn’t you still love your father even though he was the one that ordered Sasuke’s death?” The man asked taking a step forward.  
“I will always love my father.” Itachi replied, tightening his grip on his kunai. “But I do not approve of calling for Sasuke’s death for something called honor that our clan lost long ago.”   
“Our clan can still be honorable.” The Older Uchiha said “we just have to get rid of Sasuke.”  
“Sasuke is not the one that brought dishonor to the clan” Itachi yelled “You have brought dishonor to the clan by not caring about your own family, and listening to orders that make no sense.”   
The other Uchiha glared, before raising his own kunai and attacking Itachi, wincing when he made a large cut on Itachi’s arm.   
“I don’t want to hurt you, I have no problem with you.” The man told Itachi.  
“I have a problem with anyone who wants to harm my brother. I don’t care if you are family or not.” Itachi glared holding his arm to his chest. The other man shook his head.  
“Sasuke doesn’t deserve to be protected.” The older Uchiha muttered.   
“That’s not true” A familiar voice said from the doorway. “Sasuke is just a kid that made a mistake, he doesn’t deserve to constantly be hurt because of it.” The Hokage told the Older Uchiha “and kindly remove yourself from this room, before I have you removed and thrown in jail.”  
“You have no right to interfere in Clan business” The older Uchiha snarled.   
“I do, when the business is to kill a citizen of this village.” The Hokage replied, the man glared at both Itachi and The Hokage before storming out of the room.   
“Your father is going to hear about this Itachi, and you are going to find that he will not be pleased!”   
“You will find that you can threaten me all that you want” Itachi replied coolly “You will also find out that I don’t care about it. The only one I care about you threatening is Sasuke. I will not tolerate that!”   
“Nor should you have to” The Hokage replied turning towards Itachi. “I wasn’t going to consider your request, but seeing how determined they are to rid themselves of Sasuke. I will allow you to leave with him. The best place for him would be the Sand Village. That you are not too far away in case, Konoha should ever need you, but you are far enough away that Sasuke should be considered safe.” Itachi nodded.   
“I will arrange for a medical transport to leave with Sasuke this evening if that is not too soon for you.” The Hokage said.  
“I don’t think it will be soon enough if you ask me” Itachi replied. “But I appreciate you allowing me to leave with him, I will do anything to protect him. To keep him safe from his own damn family.”  
“You will be marked as a rogue nin however” The Hokage told him “I will tell your father that you left with Sasuke against my wishes. Your mission from here on out, it to help Sasuke overcome his current issues, and to teach him to become the shinobi you believe that he can be, if you accept of course.”  
“I do.” Itachi said “I know that in the coming days Sasuke will have more difficult days, but I will teach him that there are better ways to deal with his pain than hiding it.” The Hokage nodded.  
“I will go see your father, see if I can’t get something worked out, that would allow Sasuke back inside the Uchiha complex. Something tells me that will be easier said than done.” The Hokage commented.  
“It won’t be easy. Father is a very stubborn man, it’s how we got in this mess to begin with.” Itachi said. “I don’t think he will easily accept Sasuke as part of the family again, and I will stay away with Sasuke until he does. He tried to kill one son and lost both of them in the process.”  
“One should never put clan honor before their family. It is one sure way to hurt those closest to you.” The Hokage said “I can be assured that you will take the best possible care of Sasuke and teach him how to overcome the difficulties of his current situation.” Itachi nodded.   
“I will do the best by my brother, you don’t have to doubt that.” He said as the Hokage turned to leave the room.  
“Be ready to go by this evening. I will have you listed as rogue by morning.” The Hokage advised before disappearing down the hall.  
Itachi turned towards Sasuke and looked at his pale, unconscious brother.   
“The road from here on out, will not be easy to treat.” Itachi told the unconscious boy. “But it’s not a road that you will tread alone. I will be beside you the whole time, giving you a hand when you stumble. When you are afraid, I will be there to guide you and show you that there is no reason to fear.” Itachi hated the thought that his little brother would be scared and lost in the time to come, but Itachi would prove to him that he wasn’t alone, that Sasuke didn’t have to deal with those things on his own.   
“I know at some point in the coming days you are going to think that the road is too dark to walk down, you will think that after how our parents abandoned you, that you have no reason to live. Let me be that reason, I can help you get through this, you are just going to have to trust me when the burden gets too hard for you to carry.” Itachi just hoped that Sasuke could survive until they reached Suna. He was taken off of machines that were necessary to his survival, and probably wouldn’t be put back on them because he would be leaving shortly.   
“I’m sure you’re tired of fighting Sasuke.” Itachi muttered “But I promise if you hang on for a little bit longer that things will get better, even if we have avoid our parents for the rest of our lives.” Itachi let out a bitter laugh. This whole situation could have been avoided if his parents hadn’t been so blind. If they had chosen to open their eyes instead of ignoring the fact that Sasuke was hurting so badly, maybe they could have reached a point that it wouldn’t have come to this.   
Itachi sat down, and rolled up his sleeve, checking the cut on his arm, luckily for him it didn’t look like it would require any stitches, which at this point Itachi didn’t think he would even have time for.   
A few minutes later, an Anbu stuck his head in the room.   
“The Hokage sent me to keep an eye on your brother, so that you could make the final plans for your trip.” he informed Itachi. Itachi frowned, should he trust this guy? The Uchiha did have a few members in The Anbu black ops.f  
“I don’t want to kill your brother any more than you want too.” The Anbu informed him sounding amused.  
“Well, with our current situation it’s kind of hard to trust anyone at this point.” Itachi muttered pushing himself to his feet.   
“I don’t have anything against him, he’s a kid that made a bad decision that is going to effect the rest of his life. But it was his choice, I don’t believe he should be murdered for it.” The Anbu informed him.   
Deciding that Sasuke was safe for the moment, Itachi headed out of the room, after promising Sasuke that he would be back as soon as possible. The biggest problem Itachi faced right now would be getting into the complex without running into his parents. He had nothing to say to either of them, they had put a price on Sasuke’s life, and Itachi didn’t think that was right. Why have someone killed just because they had mental problems, they could be fixed it you just took the time to help. Apparently, that wasn’t something either of his parents wanted, they would rather bury Sasuke than admit that they refused to see that Sasuke had issues and help him with them.   
Upon entering the house, Itachi walked past the kitchen to see his mother sitting at the table. His father appeared to be nowhere near the house.   
“Itachi” she called “Come here for a minute I want to talk to you.” Itachi scowled but entered the kitchen. She could try to talk him out of the leaving, but nothing was going to stop him.   
“What?” he asked as he entered the kitchen.  
“I know this situation with your brother is hard on you.” she began “And I know that you don’t agree with your father’s decision.”  
“He’s willing to murder Sasuke for so called clan honor, of course, I don’t agree with it.” Itachi said.   
“Your brother will suffer for the rest of his life, is that something that you want?” Mikoto asked. “This might have been his first attempt at suicide but I doubt it will be his last. Do you want Sasuke to keep trying until he succeeds.”  
“Of course not.” Itachi replied “But I intend to be there for him and to help him. Unless you and father who just sat by and watched while Sasuke hurt. You never offered to help him, you sat there and watched while he was drowning in his pain. It’s no wonder why he didn’t ever come to any of us about how he was feeling. We wouldn’t have listened to him.”  
“It’s not always as simple as that.” Mikoto said “Sasuke chose a path to ease his pain that would bring dishonor to the clan from the start. He knew very well what would happen if he was caught cutting.” Itachi shook his head. How had his mother deluded herself so much that she even believed the crap she uttered.   
“Who cares about the cutting bringing dishonor to the family. The fact that he was cutting at all should have told you something about his mental health” Itachi shouted tired of listening when it was clear his mother had her opinion on his brother made up.   
“It’s not okay for an Uchiha to have the kind of problems he does.” Mikoto tried again.  
“So it’s okay to murder him for it?” Itachi asked “will that bring clan honor back?” when his mother didn’t answer Itachi shook his head and walked out of the room. he entered the bathroom and kneeled in front of the toilet, the meal he had eaten making its up his throat and into the toilet bowl. Everything his mother had said had been cruel and heartless. How could anyone want to hurt anyone with mental issues like Sasuke’s. Itachi didn’t understand it nor did he want to understand it.   
Once he was finished in the bathroom, he made his way down the hall to his room, where he threw some clothes and other necessities into a bag, before making his way to Sasuke’s room and doing the same.   
Tears filled Itachi’s eyes as he stepped out into the hall. This was likely the last time he would ever stop foot in the Uchiha complex again. It hurt Itachi’s heart that this was all because his parents were too wrapped up in selfishness and honor to do the right thing by their youngest son.   
Sensing his mother standing behind him. Itachi took a deep breath and let it out slowly.   
“This could have been avoided if your hearts weren’t so cold and selfish.” Itachi said “Just remember you lost both your sons because you didn’t want to help the one who was crying out for it!” That being said, Itachi turned away and headed out of the house, his heart was breaking. But not because he wasn’t likely ever to see his parents again, but because his parents had been too stubborn to open their hearts to see that their youngest child was crying out for help, and it broke for the fact that his parents were losing their other son too because of their own actions.   
Pausing at the door way, Itachi turned and looked at his mother before saying.  
“Sasuke was right when he said what would happen to him was on father’s hands, but it’s also on your hands for not standing up to your husband and allowing Sasuke to attempt to take his own life.” Itachi turned and walked away. His heart hurt at the fact that he would have to tell Sasuke that his own parents tried to have him killed because he was depressed and didn’t know what to do about it. Sasuke would have to live with the fact that his parents thought that because he was depressed that he couldn’t be an Uchiha. How wrong they were, Itachi would help Sasuke prove them wrong. Itachi would help Sasuke become the strongest shinobi possible. He hated that he was being ran out of his own village because his father was too prideful to admit that he was too hard on his son. Itachi hoped that one day, they would be able to come back to the village, even if it was just to prove their parents wrong.   
Itachi met the medical team with the silver haired Anbu by the village gates. Sasuke was lying unconscious on a stretcher. His chest slowly rising up and down, with each breath that he took. Itachi supposed that he should be grateful that Sasuke was still breathing, even if it was painful to look at his overly thin body.  
“I am to travel with you to the Sand village.” the silver haired Anbu told Itachi “In case anyone should attempt anything.”  
“People will find it hard to believe that I went rogue with an Anbu following me.” Itachi muttered. He was thankful though that he was going so that in case someone did come after them, he could defend Sasuke.   
“Would you rather I stay here?” The Anbu asked and Itachi shook his head.  
“I am thankful the Hokage thought to have you come along.” he muttered. Kneeling down beside his little brother, Itachi squeezed Sasuke’s hand.  
“Hang on there for a little longer and we can get you the help you need.” Itachi murmured before standing and shouldering his bags again. He nodded towards the medical team that was currently transporting Sasuke.   
“I’m ready whenever you guys are.” He told them. He watched as they picked Sasuke’s stretcher up and start out of the village gates. Itachi didn’t bother looking back, the village wasn’t anywhere he wanted to be anymore. He was deeply ashamed of how they had reacted to Sasuke doing what he had done.   
As they made their way along the path outside of the village, Itachi couldn’t forget his mother’s words.  
“Sasuke chose a path to ease his pain that would bring dishonor to the clan from the start. He knew very well what would happen if he was caught cutting. It’s not okay for an Uchiha to have the kind of problems he does.” wasn’t a parent supposed to love their child unconditionally? Where was the love in Mikoto and Fugaku’s heart when it came to choosing whether Sasuke would live or die? Where was the understanding that Sasuke wasn’t trying to get their attention when he attempted suicide, he had wanted to end his life because his parents made him feel so bad about himself. Itachi wasn’t going to allow that to happen anymore. He was going to built Sasuke up and Sasuke would become strong. His suicide attempt and eating disorder would be a thing of the past.   
“You’re wrong, Sasuke didn’t do anything to intentionally bring dishonor to the Uchiha clan” Itachi muttered to himself. “Iruka was right when he said The Uchiha had lost their honor a long time ago, it had absolutely nothing to do with Sasuke, you just used him as an excuse.”  
“You always blame your parents for everything?” The silver haired Anbu, who was walking beside him, asked.  
“No,” Itachi replied “But this situation with Sasuke was their fault. Father bullied Sasuke endlessly, trying to force him to become just like me. I think that you know that you can’t make someone into someone they are not. Mother knew Sasuke was hurting because of what Father was doing, but she was a coward and chose to say nothing, instead she allowed him to continue to bully Sasuke until Sasuke done this. That’s not to mention the fact that mother just stood by while Father decided to just end Sasuke’s life.”  
“That shouldn’t be such an easy decision for a parent to make.” The Anbu commented. “To end anyone’s life shouldn’t be an easy choice, to choose to end the life of a child would be the hardest one yet.”  
“Tell that to my parent’s” Itachi said “it doesn’t seem to bother them at all. That’s why I find it hard to believe that they are doing this for his best interest.”  
“You think you can help him?” The Anbu asked “If no one else can help him can you?”  
“I have every intention of doing everything I can for him” Itachi said “I’m going to make up for not being there for him to begin with. I feel like I could have prevented all of this if I hadn’t been so busy and had taken the time to work with Sasuke like I had told him I would. I feel like I spent more time frustrated with him because he wasn’t trying to understand Father. I say my parents were blind to what Father was doing to Sasuke but I was just as blind. I feel like I failed my brother in a huge way.”  
“Are you sure you are not trying to make up for failing him by taking care of him?” The Anbu asked. Itachi shook his head.  
“I know what my intentions are. I only want the best for Sasuke.”  
“Maybe your parents were right and death is what is best for Sasuke now. You say that he will never speak again. What kind of life is that?”  
“One in which he is alive.” Itachi retorted “Sasuke can learn to communicate without talking. It’s not impossible. He can learn to live to the fullest, it just might take a little while to get him there. I love my brother, and yes, I feel guilty, but I am not weak enough to let my guilt control me.” Itachi was annoyed at the way the Anbu questioned him, he was going through all of this trouble for Sasuke. He had no other reason to be doing it, even if he was mad at his parents.   
Itachi paused in his walking and looked over at his unconscious brother. Sasuke’s face was still pale, and his chest still heaved with each breath. Itachi never wanted to see it stop, he couldn’t stand the thought of living in a world where his brother did not.   
Walking again, Itachi wondered if he had made the best choice. The coming days would be difficult for Sasuke, learning to communicate would not be easy. Not cutting when he felt the need wouldn’t be easy either, but wasn’t that what Itachi was there for? To guide Sasuke when he felt lost? Suddenly Itachi felt more lost than he ever had before in his life. Was he really doing this out of a sense of duty towards his brother or because he honestly wanted nothing more than to take care of his little brother. The easiest thing to have done would have been to let him die, but Itachi couldn’t do that. It hadn’t felt right to Itachi, someone had to fight for his brother. Why not him?   
Sighing, Itachi looked up at the sky. Should he continue on the path he was going, knowing that it was going to very rocky for Sasuke. Even if Itachi was there, he couldn’t always make things easier, he would have to watch Sasuke struggle, no matter how much Itachi didn’t like it, he couldn’t save Sasuke from everything.   
“I’m not saying to let your brother die, not after all you have already gone through for him. But let him make the decision that is best for him whether he chooses life or death.” The Anbu said quietly. “Hopefully by the time that it gets to that point, you would have helped him see that there is more joy than pain in the world, he only has to let himself experience it.”   
“Not an easy task” Itachi replied quietly.   
“Neither is living, but we do it.” The Anbu said. “The point is the choice should be Sasuke’s, having saved him, he now has a second chance to see what he didn’t the first time around. Life can suck, it’s hard and can be scary. But if you give it a chance, it can be pretty damn good.”  
Itachi didn’t say anything else for several minutes, his mind going over everything the Anbu had been saying. He agreed on the life was hard part, if it was easy, none of this would have been happening.   
By the time they stopped for the night, Itachi’s head was hurting and he desperately just needed to stop worrying and get rest, but he knew he would like lay awake worrying about the camp conditions for Sasuke. Being out in the wilderness wasn’t ideal for someone in Sasuke’s condition. But since Itachi had decided it would be best to take Sasuke away from the village, he was going to have deal with the possible complications. He just hoped that nothing serious would happen, if it did, Itachi hoped that the medical team would know what to do.   
Once camp was set up, Itachi claimed the spot right beside his brother, wanting to be close to him if something happened, that and reassure himself that his brother was still alive even if was by a string.   
As he lay there with one arm under his head the playing with his cloak. Itachi wondered if Sasuke would hate him for allowing him to continue to live in his current condition, not being able to even communicate his basic needs. Itachi couldn’t stand the thought of Sasuke hating him, Itachi just wanted his brother to want to live, wanted Sasuke to see that life was worth living and not giving up on. But like Iruka said you couldn’t stop a determined person.Itachi could only hope that Sasuke wouldn’t become that determined to do himself in.   
Itachi felt more the heard Sasuke’s change of breathing, sitting up Itachi found himself staring into his brother’s dark eyes. Panic filled Sasuke’s eyes as he opened his mouth but no sound came out.   
“You’re okay” Itachi said softly, “we’re not in the village anymore, we are traveling to the Sand Village. The Hokage believes that they are better equipped with helping you heal.” Itachi hoped that Sasuke wouldn’t ever catch the lie. Itachi never wanted to be anything but honest with Sasuke, but at the moment he didn’t believe that Sasuke knowing that his own family didn’t want him alive couldn’t in anyway shape or form help him on the road to recovery.” the fear eased out of Sasuke’s eyes, but he still looked confused.   
“Why can’t I talk?” he mouthed at Itachi.  
“Because when you tried to cut your throat, you caused a lot of damage to your throat, they haven’t been able to fix it yet, but I believe someone might know how to fix it.” of course, Itachi liked again, because he didn’t want Sasuke to think there was no hope.   
Sasuke stared at him blankly,making Itachi wonder what he was thinking about. They still had a few days to travel to Suna, the fact that Sasuke was currently conscious was astounding to Itachi, he wouldn’t have thought that his little brother would be conscious until he healed more.   
Looking away from Sasuke Itachi called the medical team over.  
“Sasuke’s awake, will he be okay?” Itachi watched as they carefully examined him. He hoped that his brother wouldn’t have any more trials to deal with before finally getting well again.  
“His condition appears to be slowly stabilizing” the head medic informed Itachi. “But he could still go either way, especially since we are not yet in an sterile environment for him to heal in.”  
“We will be tomorrow if its the last thing we do.” Itachi muttered stepping away from Sasuke when he saw the head Medic nod towards him.  
“What’s going on?” Itachi asked, keeping his eyes on his little brother’s.  
“He is at risk for infection being out here in the wilderness. I don’t think it was wise to bring him out here, if he gets an infection it won’t take much to kill him.” the medic informed Itachi. “The best thing would be to go back to Konoha and have him treated there.”  
“Unfortunately that is not an option” Itachi replied “The doctors are refusing to give Sasuke any kind of treatment, and my father has ordered Sasuke to be killed.” The medic shook his head in disbelief.   
“We are sentencing him to die out here as well, unless you can make a miracle happen.” the medic muttered and Itachi walked back over to his brother.

“There’s nothing that I won’t make happen for Sasuke if it’s possible to do it.” He said looking his brother in the eyes. Sasuke was growing tired again, it was taking more strength than he had to stay awake.  
“Don’t leave me” Sasuke mouthed to Itachi as his eyes closed. Sasuke couldn’t explain it, but he was afraid that if he closed his eyes, Itachi wouldn’t be there anymore. He needed his brother, even if his brother was angry at him.  
“I’m not going anywhere, kid” Itachi murmured reaching out and poking Sasuke in the forehead with two fingers. “I’ll be here when you wake, which will hopefully be in a Suna village.”


End file.
